Mothers-to-be Britney, Jordan and Demi will be queuing up for this year’s most in-demand celebrity plastic surgery package.
First off, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching, then when the baby is born (usually whipped out by caesarean at eight months to prevent the mother having to get too fat) new implants are put back, liposuction is done on the arse and thighs plus a full tummy tuck to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about ten days while everything heals – which, of course, is not suspicious, as she’s just given birth.
Many private hospitals around the world now offer this as part of the birth package. Nursing staff at London’s celebrity-friendly Portland Hospital have an unofficial name for the package which honours, they claim, one of its earliest adopters.
They call it the… “Mend It Like Beckham”.
Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’
Only a week to go till Jan’s due date arrives! I can’t even begin to imagine how our lives are going to change so I have decided to take it one nappy at a time. My mother Helen is arriving on Monday to lend a hand about the place. We have had our capsule installed in the car and are on the verge of buying a cot. Saw Karen & Dennis on Sunday who were heading off for a tour around Australia before they move back to Auckland – boo hoo. But we got a lot of nice furniture from them so can’t complain.
I am still obsessed with Tony Hawk Skateboarding and have also gone into a compulsive music downloading phase which strikes me from time to time! Did a bit of work round at Hugo Street last night, painting the new doors and clearing out the shed etc. It is very close to being ready to rent.
Had a bit of a labour scare last night – Jan started getting strange pains in her belly – we decided they might be contractions but luckily they subsided after about an hour. A little test run perhaps? Anyway it is all very motivating to get the capsule put into the car! Went to see Bridget Jones’ Diary last night and enjoyed it very much – I have an increased respect for Renee Zellweger as she was great. Have been obsessively playing Tony Hawk 2 on my Playstation and getting blisters from the controller! I hope soon to be back to my nicely calloused thumbs though.
Karen sent me a link to the Australian Vaccination Network – a site with a lot of information about the risks of vaccination. So many things to worry about!
Am in a bit of an anxious state at the moment – this whole looming war thing is getting to me! I guess we are a lot safer down here in the Antipodes than in Europe, the U.S. or Afghanistan but am still wishing I was back in New Zealand which somehow feels even more remote. My brother Sam yesterday sent me a great commentary by Tamim Ansary, a writer and columnist in San Francisco who is a native of Afghanistan. It’s both interesting and chilling…. read it here.
Jan has finished work and is living a life of leisure – not! She went to see the midwife yesterday who said that Little Jem was ‘very organised’ – head engaged, all positioned correctly – ready to pop! We still haven’t got a cot. Saw one I loved in the weekend but it was $525, plus another $100 for the mattress. I just can’t seem to justify that to myself!
Went to see A.I. over the weekend and thought it very bizarre…. a strange hodge podge of Kubrick and Spielberg. Even though I didn’t like it much it has still stayed in my mind, something that I have found before with Kubrick films so maybe it does still retain the soul of the bearded one.
Popped over to K Mart last night to get some stickers and ending up spending $130 on baby accoutrements. We really must NOT buy any more little outfits! But they are very hard to resist. I think Little Jem will end up with an outfit for every day he is size 0000! Also got some nappies, nappy bucket, bunny rug etc etc. Still haven’t dealt with the three big ones though – Cot – Pram – Car Capsule – eep! They had a wooden cot at K Mart – $290 for the cot and then another $110 for the mattress. Prams seem to be about $250 as do capsules. Hopefully we’ll get there. Tomorrow marks three weeks till the due date and apparently from then on he is no longer considered premature so it really could be any time now! Wow.
Had a lovely long weekend (got Friday off) which was very baby themed! Spent Saturday at the final baby class where we learned all about breastfeeding and how to fold a nappy. Fascinating stuff – but really brought home the enormity of the task we have set for ourselves. Then on Sunday my friend Clare brought round about a ton of baby stuff including tons of clothes and such neccessaries as a bouncinette and a swing. So now the baby’s room is packed to the gunnels and we have still got to fit a cot in there! Jan is still going well and this will be her final week of work.
Found a bit of time over the weekend to play Tony Hawk 2, a game I bought for my Playstation late last year but never got around to playing much. It’s great fun and have only got 2 levels left to unlock.
The cats had their testes removed on Thursday and Bootsy’s infected toe was looked at again. He had ripped some of its ligaments and his claw was all wonky so they removed the claw and the first joint of his toe. So now he has a big bandage but still haven’t had to resort to the cone around the head thank god. That would be the ultimate indignity!
The new doors are in at Hugo St and they look bloody good though of course we have to paint them. Am going to lay some lino this week in the kitchen and get it finally ready to rent!
Thanks to Lynne for today’s featured photo from her work junket to Thailand. Glamour!
Had an eventful weekend – went to our first birthing class on Saturday (we are doing 2 Saturdays in a row from 9:30am to 3:30pm). It was fascinating. Saw a couple of birth videos and all the strange implements that they use up in the labour ward like the epidural tube, the forcerps, the vacuum and so on. Hopefully we won’t be requiring any of those as Jan is going to the birthing centre, but they do tend to send you upstairs if there are complications so you never know.
We were the only gay couple there (surprise surprise) but everyone was very nice and there was only one woman who looked at us strangely (and ignored me in the corridor!) After all, it is in Newtown! Next week we learn all about care of the newborn child. We were happy to get our list of things we needed to get before the baby arrives, now we can just tick things off!
Fans of our pets will be happy to note that Bootsy’s photo has finally been added to the right hand column. Have put up some snaps of our new house as well.
I am very tired this morning after getting up at 6am to go and meet the door installation man back at Hugo St, who then didn’t turn up cos it started to rain! After three coffees I am starting to feel human again. The orientation night at the Birthing Centre was very educational. Covered what sort of things you should bring with you, when to call them etc, pain relief policies and all those things. Made me feel quite positive about the whole labour experience as they all seem so nice and laidback. Easy for me to feel positive though, I don’t have to get the baby out!
For those of you who don’t know, I recently got obsessed with the fledgling science of nanotechnology and have just found this great gallery of conceptual medical nanomachine drawings – bring on that Lung Cleaning Nanobot!
Back at work after a loverly weekend. Went to our first class at the Birthing Centre called ‘Changing Shapes’ – sadly it was too late for Jan as her shape has already changed rather dramatically! Had a great birthday with lots of presents (mmm, presents) and went out for a low key dinner. Hoping to hear about the new house today.
Today I have launched the new look site. It’s my ambition to keep this news box updated with all the latest from our world plus interesting things I have come across online. Hopefully this will help keep our widely distributed circle of friends and family up to date with our goings on! Please forgive any temporary glitches as the site settles down to its new form – we will gradually bring new versions of all the pages online.
Current state of the world – waiting on settlement of our new house which may occur tomorrow or might be delayed again till Monday. Banks drive me nuts! Or as my workmate Joel just commented, ‘bankers are wankers’. Red tape is certainly slowing down our progress but the end is in sight. We have spent the last 5 weeks painting our old place and getting everything ship shape for its forthcoming rental.
Bootsy (our poor kitty who was munched by a dog) is home now and much better. Still has a hobble to his gait and some strange shaved patches but is generally adjusting well to life in the outside world after 3 weeks in hospital.
Jan and Little Jem doing well. Sleeping has just become an issue as finding a comfortable position becomes more and more difficult! I find it hard to believe that she can get much bigger but still 8 weeks to go.