Jemsweb

From Popbitch:

Kate Bush’s long-awaited new album Aerial is out next month. Kate did a few interviews, then started cancelling press appointments. Then she allowed a few phone-only interviews. And then stopped again.

The reason? Apparently Kate feels she is looking rather fat.

Kate of course is one of the music industry’s most famous stoners. At the height of her career, a lackey was dispatched from her record company once a week to deliver to Kate, in her country house, a lump of marijuana “the size of a brick”.

As well as explaining any weight gain (presumably from late-night Pringles), the pot-smoking may also account for some of the unusual lyrics on her album – such as this magnificent piece of poetry:

“Washing machine
Washing machine
Washing machine
Washing machine”

Mothers-to-be Britney, Jordan and Demi will be queuing up for this year’s most in-demand celebrity plastic surgery package.

First off, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching, then when the baby is born (usually whipped out by caesarean at eight months to prevent the mother having to get too fat) new implants are put back, liposuction is done on the arse and thighs plus a full tummy tuck to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about ten days while everything heals – which, of course, is not suspicious, as she’s just given birth.

Many private hospitals around the world now offer this as part of the birth package. Nursing staff at London’s celebrity-friendly Portland Hospital have an unofficial name for the package which honours, they claim, one of its earliest adopters.

They call it the… “Mend It Like Beckham”.

via Popbitch

Just one Archie pic today – his lovely ‘Prodigy’ hairstyle. He celebrated his one month birthday on Saturday – seems like he’s been here for a lifetime! The kitchen looks great and is all completed. New roof going on today! It never ends!

Here’s a handy new device for all you single gaydar-impaired people out there – artificial gaydar! Nice.

And from this week’s Popbitch – the scariest kitten in the world and someone who sounds exactly like Madonna sings “The Wheels Of The Bus Go Round and Round”.

Sorry for the relative quiet the last few days. I was off work with yucky cold thing on Thursday and Friday. And of course I do all my home page updates from work (wouldn’t you?). Had an eventful weekend as we finally moved into the new abode. Jan, I and our intrepid assistants Jake, Anthony and Michel spent Friday night lugging rather weighty objects into trucks and back out again. Four green metal cabinets were the chief offenders – it took 4 people to lift them into the truck. However we did well and many thanks to all involved.

The house is now our home and we have settled in well – except for crap hot water cylinder and very chilly tiles of a morning. Still painting the front bedroom so we are sleeping in the living room at present. Ex is loving it for some reason and seems much happier than at Hugo St. The cats are in confinement for a week while they settle. Bootsy is so used to trauma now that he is completely adjusted but Tinsel still seems a little bit freaked! We put a deposit on a new kitchen as we just couldn’t live with the old one so that will hopefully be going in in six weeks or so. Also looking at getting gas put on and a new floor in the back half of the house. Anyway it will definitely be keeping us distracted until Little Jem arrives! Still it is a vast improvement on the old place, much more spacious.

The carpet is going down at Hugo Street today – apparently the carpet layer was a real dickhead though so we’ll have to see how it turns out. New doors are coming for there on Thursday and then we will be just about ready to rent the sucker out.

From last week’s Popbitch
Marvel at the how much Geri Halliwell’s breasts have changed over the years:
The young Geri showing off her gigantic naked bazoingas:
http://www.message-board.net/upload/GeriHalliwellsleuthPC3.jpg
The current Geri showing off her shrivelled granny-bags:
http://www.message-board.net/upload/GeriHalliwellCrapaPC(1).jpg

I am still playing Junkbot, only 3 levels now on which I don’t have a gold award. Workmate Joel has mastered ALL the levels and is ranking around 17th in the world. Alas I am on about 118th, still it’s an achievement.

Happy birthday to Madonna! And let’s not forget the King who died this day… or did he?

Just had a chat to me bruvver Sam on a great new chatroom they have set up at their site…. check it out at http://www.whizzkids.co.nz/whizzchat.html And go vote for Sam’s band – they are up for Unreleased Song of the Year at BFM. Vote here for Phoenix Foundation – Loaf. Go Sammy!

Settlement on track for 3pm this afternoon. Please cross all available appendages for us.

Some great gossip in the Popbitch email today which I just have to reproduce here.

• Is Stevie Wonder really blind? According to Sam, of Motown legends Sam and Dave, the great man has always had partial sight. Insiders claim that Stevie’s blindness made great PR when he was a child artist, but that this made it impossible to retract the story – leaving his ability to see as “the greatest secret in the music industry”.

• In 1984, Marilyn (superstar tranny) received a letter from the mother of a terminally ill girl whose biggest wish was to meet the star. His manager Paul Caplin arranged for mum and daughter to come up to London, where they spent a great day out with Maz. Back at Paul’s flat, they were about to leave for home, when Maz asked them to wait, as he had a present to give them. He handed the girl a small parcel, which she eagerly opened. It was a book on reincarnation. Inside the front cover Marilyn had written ‘Better luck next time – love Marilyn’.”

Due to popular demand, I have added the animal members of the family to the pictures on the right. Sadly all our photos of Bootsy are packed up ready for the move but I’m sure his smiling face will be greeting you soon.

Haven’t heard any bad news about the house – does this mean it’s actually going through at 2:30 this afternoon? Am trying not to get too excited as the constant postponements are giving me ulcers. We’ll soon know!

Just got my weekly email from popbitch – highly recommended for all you twisted gossipmongers. As always, it included some rather interesting links which I will include here!

• Remember Marilyn, famous tranny from 1983 – well he’s still around. Check out Maz’ latest doings here – http://clik.to/mazontheweb
• Russell Crowe’s former life as a 80s pop star… and yes this song was a minor hit in New Zealand. By the way, that’s not an Aussie show Russ is on but my fave show when I was a teenybopper – that classic Kiwi institution, Shazam! Featuring Philippa Dann… whatever happened to her?
• Shoot at Geri Halliwell
• Cliff Richard’s new tennis website
• Do you have a chance with Jennifer Lopez?
• and last but not least, the ‘fittest boy in the world’ – this is very strange stuff folks.

S