Kate Bush’s long-awaited new album Aerial is out next month. Kate did a few interviews, then started cancelling press appointments. Then she allowed a few phone-only interviews. And then stopped again.

The reason? Apparently Kate feels she is looking rather fat.

Kate of course is one of the music industry’s most famous stoners. At the height of her career, a lackey was dispatched from her record company once a week to deliver to Kate, in her country house, a lump of marijuana “the size of a brick”.

As well as explaining any weight gain (presumably from late-night Pringles), the pot-smoking may also account for some of the unusual lyrics on her album – such as this magnificent piece of poetry:

“Washing machine
Washing machine
Washing machine
Washing machine”

Popstar Britney Spears wants to call her baby ‘Charlie’ after seeing the movie remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it has been reported.

Gossip website Ananova.com reports that Britney is prepared to name her baby Charlie no matter what sex the child is.

However, her husband Kevin Federline, is not so happy with her decision and prefers the name Kevin Junior, the website reports.

Kevin Junior. Just what the world needs.

Mothers-to-be Britney, Jordan and Demi will be queuing up for this year’s most in-demand celebrity plastic surgery package.

First off, the celebrity mother gets her silicone breast implants removed early in her pregnancy to prevent stretching, then when the baby is born (usually whipped out by caesarean at eight months to prevent the mother having to get too fat) new implants are put back, liposuction is done on the arse and thighs plus a full tummy tuck to get rid of all signs of pregnancy. The new mother keeps hidden from the public for about ten days while everything heals – which, of course, is not suspicious, as she’s just given birth.

Many private hospitals around the world now offer this as part of the birth package. Nursing staff at London’s celebrity-friendly Portland Hospital have an unofficial name for the package which honours, they claim, one of its earliest adopters.

They call it the… “Mend It Like Beckham”.

via Popbitch

Worse, she left carrying a small bag, and a passing tourist said “they were enjoying everything Amsterdam has to offer”. And, no, he was not referring to Britney’s appreciation for the Dutch masters.

Britney was smoking a joint, for sure. She was in a very good mood. She said to Kevin, ‘I love the smell of it… it’s really awesome.’

Just had a chat to me bruvver Sam on a great new chatroom they have set up at their site…. check it out at http://www.whizzkids.co.nz/whizzchat.html And go vote for Sam’s band – they are up for Unreleased Song of the Year at BFM. Vote here for Phoenix Foundation – Loaf. Go Sammy!

Settlement on track for 3pm this afternoon. Please cross all available appendages for us.

Some great gossip in the Popbitch email today which I just have to reproduce here.

• Is Stevie Wonder really blind? According to Sam, of Motown legends Sam and Dave, the great man has always had partial sight. Insiders claim that Stevie’s blindness made great PR when he was a child artist, but that this made it impossible to retract the story – leaving his ability to see as “the greatest secret in the music industry”.

• In 1984, Marilyn (superstar tranny) received a letter from the mother of a terminally ill girl whose biggest wish was to meet the star. His manager Paul Caplin arranged for mum and daughter to come up to London, where they spent a great day out with Maz. Back at Paul’s flat, they were about to leave for home, when Maz asked them to wait, as he had a present to give them. He handed the girl a small parcel, which she eagerly opened. It was a book on reincarnation. Inside the front cover Marilyn had written ‘Better luck next time – love Marilyn’.”

Due to popular demand, I have added the animal members of the family to the pictures on the right. Sadly all our photos of Bootsy are packed up ready for the move but I’m sure his smiling face will be greeting you soon.

Just got my weekly email from popbitch – highly recommended for all you twisted gossipmongers. As always, it included some rather interesting links which I will include here!

• Remember Marilyn, famous tranny from 1983 – well he’s still around. Check out Maz’ latest doings here – http://clik.to/mazontheweb
• Russell Crowe’s former life as a 80s pop star… and yes this song was a minor hit in New Zealand. By the way, that’s not an Aussie show Russ is on but my fave show when I was a teenybopper – that classic Kiwi institution, Shazam! Featuring Philippa Dann… whatever happened to her?
• Shoot at Geri Halliwell
• Cliff Richard’s new tennis website
• Do you have a chance with Jennifer Lopez?
• and last but not least, the ‘fittest boy in the world’ – this is very strange stuff folks.

S